Really

They were gathered round Matthew, as he was about to tell another story of his adventures abroad.

“So I’m standing in the bank, I’m just about to deposit a wee bit of money, about fifty quid or something when I notice in the little drawer yoke there is an envelope.” Matthew said.

“And the teller hadn’t seen it?” said Paul.

“Not yet anyway, so I get my wits about me fair sharpish, it’s a big envelope, ya know?  So I got him to go away from the counter, I says to him “Here can you get me some money bags”, you know the plastic ones that you see everywhere, and off he goes to get some.”

“Haha, genius.” said Paul.

“Yeah, so quick as you like I’m after throwing my hand in, whippin’ out the envelope and its inside in my jacket now.  So he comes back with the money bags, I thank him for that and he asks how much I want to withdraw.  I tell him I actually don’t have any time, that I have to go, thank him for the bags and I’m gone.”

“You started panicking once you had the cash on ya?” said John.

“Not really, I just wanted to get out, see exactly what I had.  Which turns out it was about a grand.  So here I am in this strange city with a thousand quid and no clue what to do.  So I do the only thing I know how to do in a moment like this.”

“You went on the beer?” said John and Paul in unison.

“Better, I went to the bookies!”

Simon is smiling, he knows his friend well.

“I was up five hundred when I seen a beauty of a dog, three to one odds, I says “Yep, I’ll be havin’ that” and I threw 250 on him.  Next thing the cops bust in grab by the arms and drag me out of the betting shop.”

“What!?”

“Yep.  Apparently they are after seeing me on the CCTV lifting the envelope out of the bank, and this is the worst part, the cop actually says to me, if I had of went to any other bookies I would have been grand, its just that I went to the one across the road, so they could literally see me walking across the street and could tell by the same camera that I hadn’t left.”

“You bloody twat.” laughs Simon.

“Yeah, well anyway, they where saying they could do me on whats called ‘Theft by Finding’, but I told em that that was bollocks, and after bein in near tears and doing a bit of what I must admit was top class acting and sweet talking, they says they will let me go.”

“But you didn’t get to keep the money?” said John.

“Nah of course not, but at least I was off the hook with the cops, I was basically after robbing a bank for christ sakes!”

The gathered crowd are smiling and nodding their heads, familiar with their old friends tricks, but Simon looks at him impatiently.

“What about the bet?” asks Simon.

Matthew takes out a cigarette and lights it, smiling at Simon.

“Really? Really!” Simon exclaims.

“Well I didn’t never tell them I had the slip on me, and I kept it secret from them the whole time.”

“So you got the winnings, you got…” Paul tried to do some quick maths to calculate the winnings.

“A thousand euro.” said Matthew.

“And what did you do with it?”

Simon and Matthew look at Paul incredulously.

“Well that’s not the point, is it Matthew?” said Simon.

“I drank it or lost it but anyway, it makes for a good bloody story!” Said Matthew.

 

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Limerick Writers' Centre

Supporting Literature, Arts and Culture in Limerick since 2008.

NUIG Writers' Society

NUIG's society for exploring each other's writing in a welcoming environment.

The Lacklustre Emporium

The strange ravings of Joshua Kenehan, writer, illustrator, student, madman.

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